Reflection before reaction: Breaking your own privilege

Two weeks ago in a dialogue session focused on diversity and transformation we were presented with pointers which could be used to make life just a little bit easier when it comes to transforming the workplace. I'd like to invite you in, and break down some of the ideas so that perhaps you too can benefit from what it means to be empathetic in a world built on differences especially when it comes to communicating with others.

Centred on priviledge the discusson showed me that by learning to fully understand the view point of another we can learn to not only be empathetic to their challenges but place solutions into action.

One's identity is a self-narrative and this narrative, "is located in culture and history. We look back into our lives and the longer narratives of history and interpret things that happen in relation to our present positions and the self is then affected and changed."

In essence, it's what we look to, to make sense of who we are and can never be stagnant. We are allowed to constantly re-establish who we are and what that means in society. It's a process of learning, unlearning, re-learning (a path I am currently on) or as our group counselor Thembi mentioned, the process of surfing through "the baggage of history," considering that for the most part we do not choose our identity markers.

What caught my attention about the discussion was the idea that one's identity is located in power dynamics. Different elements of who we are, are more dominant in certain situations depending on who we are with and the space we are in. For example,sometimes your class is the dominant marker, other times your race, or your sexuality and in many cases we use these markers to our advantage exerting privilege which make us unaware of differences.

Speaking of difference, have you ever thought about how easy it is to say that differences should be celebrated and that we should respect each other's differences but when it comes down to reality and inclusion we exclude people and throw a blanket called "personal preference" over those very differences*.

"We crop people and don't accept them in their fullness in the name of celebrating," Sis Thembi says. In essence we only accept and celebrate the parts of people that gravitate to who we are or want to be and so by not understanding and accepting the parts which are not like us "we'll show you how we want you to be like us."

Basically, in some situations we have single or one sided identity markers that are elevated and whether we are aware or unaware of how we use these markers, in many cases as with race and class we place ourselve in a superior position with which we collude with a system of privilege.

Okay, that wasn't so basic.

Let me put it this way, when you're about to be judgey in a situation - "why are *they* always protesting?", "why don't they just get another job?", "do they have to do this in public?" - just think, what allows me this position to make this judgement? am I placing myself in a superior position and what allows me to do that? Have I taken into consideration the repercussions of history, do I know why this is happening? Have I asked, Have I tried to understand where *they are coming from?"

I was guilty of this very recently with the H&M saga. I like their clothes I'm not even going to lie to you, the quality is great, looks good and falls perfectly into what I can afford and so when that ad surfaced and people were outraged I colluded with the system.

I chose power over agency, voicing that I would still purchase their items because well, at the end of the day the mom saw nothing wrong with the ad and if she doesn't even care then why are we actually making such a big deal out of this? In order to cement my privilege I made these excuses not taking into account the effect that the label "monkey" had in history.

My privilege needed to be checked, someone needed to remind me that it was deeper than the surface anger and political agendas which were pushed as a result. I had to be reminded with examples of how black people were mocked, bananas thrown on the soccer pitch when black players played and had a personal flashback when one of my neighbors imitated a monkey while we played outside.

I had to hear it, I had to be checked, had to feel uncomfortable, see where I went wrong and adapt because for a second I erased removed and forgot historical significance in the name of comfortable capitalism. Of course after this realization I was empathetic to the anger and it made sense, but then what?

Empathy doesn't erase the wrong now does it? There has to be actions which change the circumstance and this is a conversation we will get to on another day considering the intersections that come with this very issue of H&M.

However, there is something fundamental about taking a moment to listen, really hear and understand what the other person is feeling in situations because the cure for the pain is in it.

A tip from the session with Sis Thembi is to listen to reflect instead of listening to react. This means, listening to the other person without interrupting them (a struggle when you talk a lot I know). Listen to everything they have to say until they decide they're finished. Before you respond to what they said, affirm what you heard by repeating it back to them to make sure that you not only heard what they said but understood it.

Hereafter, respond - or don't.

I think that exericise doesn't only work in situations where privilege is being checked but also in basic day to day communiques with other people. We have to learn to place ourselves in other people's experiences of situations and remove our elevated identities and values which could be used as a tool of judgement even though it's a 'human thing' to judge.

I'm not saying that this step will heal the world and make it a better place, but perhaps it will assist us when we other, exclude or sideline other people.

A game to play among a diverse group of friends in order to unpack privilege

source:buzzfeed

#privilege #empathy #understanding #identity #uncomfortble #HM